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The term “sandwich generation” was coined in the early 1980s to describe adults who simultaneously care for dependent children and for aging parents who can no longer handle everyday chores and activities. But the responsibilities of mothers and fathers and sons and daughters in the sandwich generation do not end with caregiving; many also hold full-time jobs.
Family care obligations can place demands on the schedule and emotions of an employee, causing significant stress both in and outside of the workplace. For this reason, employees who also are caregivers must take care of themselves in order to protect their own health and well-being in all aspects of their life.
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Unrealistic expectations on the part of the caregiver can cause or exacerbate stress. A parent may feel responsibility for the happiness of a young child, trying to manage the child”™s experiences in school, sports and social life and personally feeling the child”™s hardships. At the same time, caregivers often have unrealistic expectations about the end results of their nurturing of and attention to an ailing parent, thinking that care alone will improve that person”™s health. When things don”™t go as well as anticipated, the caregiver may personalize the outcomes and become anxious about losing control. He or she often avoids asking for help out of fear of appearing weak and incapable of balancing family needs and work.
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Stress, burnout
Signs of caregiver stress build up slowly and might not be immediately noticeable at work. Fellow employees may detect mood changes, impatience with colleagues and clients, and a lack of joy in workplace and social activities. Anxiety, irritability and exhaustion also are common. The caregiver may express guilt feelings to coworkers about spending time at work rather than on caregiving. Caregivers who complain at work about depression, poor sleep and difficulty concentrating clearly need assistance.
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Each of us feels occasional fatigue during our regular routine. Burnout differs from fatigue in that is accompanied by crippling physical, emotional and mental exhaustion that impairs daily functioning. It can also prompt negative or ambivalent feelings toward loved ones. As with signs of stress, coworkers may be the first to notice burnout in a fellow employee who has caregiving responsibilities. The key to avoiding burnout is to recognize these early warning signs and take quick, appropriate action to lighten the caregiver”™s load.
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Seeking help
Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Few people can handle all the physical, emotional, logistical and financial aspects of work, home life and the life of an aging relative entirely on their own. The caregiver may be able to access resources through company benefits, a local hospice care provider or a social service organization. He or she also can be encouraged to talk to friends or co-workers who have been in similar situations. Houses of worship and clergy members in particular, are a potential source of comfort and support.
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A frank and timely conversation at work provides the caregiver with an opportunity to discuss a home situation and can help clarify expectations on the part of the employer. A boss or colleagues might cover some of the caregiver”™s work responsibilities if he or she needs to take occasional time off.
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Personal health
Mental health is extremely important and even more so during times of extreme stress. It is completely normal for caregivers to have feelings of sadness, frustration, stress and inadequacy, as well as anger and frustration about juggling work, family and caregiving responsibilities. Counseling and support can help the caregiver address and resolve these feelings in a way that protects personal health.
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Personal time is absolutely essential for employees managing a full-time job and caring for a loved one. Employees should be encouraged to explore options for using personal time for both caregiving and self-care. The employee may need reassurance that taking time off, even for half a day or just a few hours, will not adversely affect the company, the employee or the employee”™s job.
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A respite break, using accrued vacation days and possibly with the support of a local hospice or community volunteers, can provide the employee with much needed personal time. Furthermore, taking care of one”™s own needs can foster a renewed ability to shoulder the multiple responsibilities of a member of the sandwich generation.
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Kate Colburn, M.A., is the executive director of Hospice & Palliative Care of Westchester in White Plains, N.Y. Reach her at kcolburn@hospiceofwestchester.com.
