I remember my high school graduation vividly ”” walking across the stage to receive my diploma; listening to my best friend give her salutatorian speech; hugging my parents after the ceremony. I shared these memories and many more with longtime friends when I recently attended my 35th high school reunion. We ate too much, danced to hip-hop and soft rock from the 1980s, and talked about our lives in deep and meaningful ways. There was something special about being in a room with people of the same age whom I”™ve known since I was 14 or younger. The bond helped us reconnect and conversations soon turned to children, careers, homes, spouses and the pandemic. Several revealed difficult issues about divorce, personal and professional disappointments and starting over. Many shared the challenges of supporting elderly parents in need. They detailed approaches to long-term care and estate planning and revealed concerns about the physical and cognitive decline of aging loved ones. Everyone agreed that Covid has affected their and their parents”™ lives.
I left the celebration struck by a question that many of these 50-somethings asked in one way or another: How do we help ourselves and our families plan for aging? It”™s a question that arises for every decade from the 20s through the 80s and beyond.
In 2021, a Nationwide Retirement Institute consumer study of adults age 25 and older concluded that the pandemic has led most to find it more important than ever to have a plan for long-term care. This cuts across the generations, with 88% of the three groups surveyed ”” boomers, Gen Xers and millennials agreeing.
When I speak with adults who wonder how best to have long-term care planning discussions with their parents, other aging relatives or their adult children, I encourage them to consider having the conversation in-person early in the new year, a time for planning. Initially, it might seem ironic to say the least ”” and counterintuitive to say the most ”” to be talking about endings in a season of beginnings. But the new year is a time for new chapters, and there”™s no better way to begin them by tidying up unfinished business that clears the mind. To get the most out of the moment, it is critical to plan before diving in. Consider these tips:
Consult professionals. Before speaking to family members, seek advice from those who can help you prioritize, build a road map and inform you about decisions that you will need to make over time. Eldercare attorneys, accountants, financial planners, bankers, geriatric-care managers, doctors and religious leaders or counselors can all be helpful.
Determine in advance what topics need to be discussed such as health and well-being, wills and advanced directives, financing long-term care, legal matters affecting long-term care or wishes about senior living.
No surprises. Give siblings and parents or adult children a heads-up that you would like to have the discussion and schedule a mutually agreed upon time.
Plan to have discussions in-person, when families have extended time to spend with one another, and relevant parties are present but not during a family meal when young children, distant relatives and friends are gathered at the table. Include only those who will be directly affected by decisions that will be made, parents and their adult children (or close relatives if applicable). Listen and always be respectful.
Consider your family dynamics and pace yourself. If this is the first attempt at planning, take it one conversation at a time. If you encounter resistance, don”™t be afraid to try again soon and be sure not to let the subject drop.
Spread the joy and plan as a family. Decisions about long-term care span all age groups. The earlier you begin, the greater your ability to plan for multiple contingencies. Adult children can take this opportunity to discuss their own needs and plans.
People put all kinds of plans in place in the new year. Long-term care can be one of them. And once that plan is complete, there will be even more reason to celebrate what we all hope will be a happy, healthy 2023.
For more, visit concierge-care.com.
