“Multigenerational living” is becoming a buzz phrase, as housing costs and inflationary pressures mount and two-income households requiring child-care options remain a necessity. Up until the mid-20th century, several generations usually lived together in the family home. This was particularly true among immigrants, who may have started in this country with little and sought to retain ties to their community. But after the war as the job market expanded, society became more mobile and the multigenerational home went the way of cassette tapes. That”™s now changing, though, as younger generations with children find it difficult to afford homes and daycare, even with two incomes. Living among but not entirely with often-retired parents who can help with the kids has become an attractive alternative.
The newer concepts usually include separate living spaces, often with private entrances or wings so that everyone can have a space but still be connected for child-care needs and fun get-togethers. When I was a child, we lived in an upstairs apartment at my grandmother and grandfather”™s house and my cousins lived in another apartment. It was so much fun going down to my grandmother”™s to help bake and watch her cook Sunday dinners. My cousins were, of course, also always there and we grew up surrounded by family in such a nurturing environment. These memories are some of my fondest. I am sure this also gave my parents a break from us to relax and regroup, knowing we were in safe hands with my grandparents. Eventually, my parents bought their own home and we moved, but those early memories are with me still.
When I first started working in New York City as an interior designer, I was surprised to learn that many an apartment building was home to multiple family members. Having grown up in the suburbs, I thought everyone in the city moved into a separate home away from extended family. But in many instances, this has not been the case in cities. Today we happen to live in a New York City apartment building that our children live in, too. My son and daughter-in-law and our other son and future daughter-in-law live in their own apartments on the other side of the building.
Although this will most likely not be a forever situation, we are all enjoying it for the moment. Our eldest and his wife just had their first baby, and it is so easy to just head to the other side of the building to give them a helping hand. The other day I ran over in my slippers and brought them a dinner that I made in my apartment. Our younger son and his future wife are also eager to help out and love being a doting aunt and uncle, who happen to live right upstairs from their new nephew. I have met another woman in the elevator whose daughter also has an apartment in the building and another set of parents who are subletting an apartment in the building for a couple of months to help with their children”™s growing family. These safety nets are needed not only financially but psychologically as they can strengthen the bonds of family, reminding us that it does indeed take a village to raise a child.
One of the key aspects of all living so close together is to respect boundaries. We never just pop in but instead call or text to see if they need us or if it”™s good time to visit. We try to have a group dinner once or twice a month. All of us like to cook so either we cook or bring in. There are times with everyone rushing around that none of us even bump into one another in the lobby for a week or so.
Our elder son casually referred to our vacation home as an intergenerational share house. We all had a huge laugh about that, but he is correct in that assessment. Our vacation home is filled every weekend with a mix of friends and family ”“ all from different generations ”“ and we blend easily. At our home there are no separate entrances or living areas, but everyone loves to help with cocktails, cooking and cleanup, and we do maintain a healthy respect for boundaries. My only ask is that everyone tell me if we are eating together or not so I can plan accordingly.
If carefully considered, an intergenerational housing situation can work. Being mindful of everyone”™s privacy and respecting one another go a long way to making these situations happen. While we are all living in the same apartment building, my husband and I will treasure every minute we have with our growing family. Although he is just six weeks old, we are looking forward to introducing our grandson to many family traditions so he can create his own memories.
For more, contact Cami Weinstein LLC at info@camidesigns.com or 914-447-6904.
