Embarking on caring for an aging parent is an experience that often takes unexpected twists and turns. It is a path filled with challenges and rewards, where you must navigate surprises, disappointments and the evolving needs of a loved one. The story of Lynn Godfrey ”“ executive vice president and chief marketing officer of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, which has offices in Manhattan, Rye Brook and Stamford — offers valuable insights and lessons.
My conversations with Lynn have placed us on a profound journey together. Over time, she shared with me the challenges she faced in her new and unexpected role as family caregiver.”¯ Now, five years later, we still collaborate, dedicated to coordinating exceptional care for her 91-year-old mother, Yvette Richardson, who eventually became the first client of my business, Concierge Healthcare Consulting in New Rochelle:
A journey unplanned
In 2017, Yvette, then in her mid-80s, fell and fractured her ankle. The incident revealed cognitive decline and physical health issues that needed attention. Lynn brought her from Arizona to New York, where she had a support network and connections. Yet while Lynn expected her mother to recognize the need for a changed living arrangement, any constructive dialogue was hindered by her mother”™s independent spirit and insistence on self-sufficiency. Lynn knew that her mother”™s decision-making ability was decreasing, and she needed to step in, but the path ahead was unclear.
Lynn had her mother move in with her and managed care at home, relying on her own resources and support systems. She considered assisted living, but the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic ended that search.”¯ Lynn and her then high school-age daughter created a bubble of care to prioritize her mother’s needs as difficulty retaining consistent home health aides altered the course.”¯
As time went on, Lynn realized that their system at home was no longer sustainable. The increasing decline in her mother’s physical and cognitive health necessitated greater professional intervention. The financial burden became overwhelming when Lynn had to factor in her daughter”™s college education. Though she explored Medicaid options to pay for home health aides, as her mother”™s dementia exacerbated her physical condition, it became clear that nursing-home care was the best option.”¯
Lynn said she now sees the importance of having open, proactive conversations with aging parents before a medical crisis occurs, even though engaging in these conversations may require assertiveness, not deference. Taking the initiative to discuss advance directives, powers of attorney, identification documents like birth certificates, financial management, housing options and health insurance can avoid difficulties down the road.”¯
Observing early signs of cognitive decline is also important. Looking back, Lynn said she regretted not initiating discussions sooner.”¯ Like many, she relied on an assumption of a forthcoming rational conversation that never materialized. Today she encourages others to be proactive, observant and compassionate, recognizing that caregiving can be influenced by the individual personalities and family dynamics at play.
The role of support and self-care
Caregiving takes a huge emotional and physical toll. The caregiver needs support whether through self-care practices, professional assistance or legal and financial guidance. Lynn found tremendous relief when she enlisted my help as a geriatric care manager to provide support in referrals to other professionals, direction about the next steps and making decisions.
Lynn’s caregiving journey for her aging mother has been transformative. From the struggle to initiate difficult conversations about planning and decision-making to the financial costs and the unexpected pandemic, Lynn waded through uncharted territory with determination and love. By sharing her story, Lynn hopes to inspire and empower others. With compassion, resilience and proactive planning, caregivers can overcome hurdles, make informed decisions and provide the best possible care for their aging loved ones.
For more, visit concierge-care.com.
