Question: I”™m worried that people who should be listening to me are not. I think about my employees and ask myself, “If they”™re not going to listen to their boss, who are they going to listen to?” How can I keep from getting pushed out of the way?
Thoughts of the day: Take a look around you. Make time to think about what you want and whether your habits of communicating are getting you there. Figure out how you can get better at communicating. Lower your perception of the consequences if things go wrong. Think before you speak. Plant seeds.
Is it really just you who”™s being ignored, or are others having the same problem? Is it all employees, or just some? Is it the same employee over and over, or different employees at different times? Is it all the time, or just some of the time?
Figure out the conditions under which you observe that you aren”™t being heard. Compare that to your observations about what others experience under similar conditions. Think about who, when, what and how people go their own way without dialing in to you.
Then ask some questions. Are they attempting to spread their wings, trying to fly solo with new skills they”™ve acquired? Are they repeating a habitual way of behaving with you ”” as in, they always tune you out? Or is it somewhere in between?
Now do a reality check. What happens if specific people do or don”™t listen to you? Do they get better results with or without your input? Or do they come out about the same either way? Do they get enough value from your input that they can achieve higher-level outcomes? Are you making requests that make their life easier or harder? Try looking at it from the receiver”™s viewpoint.
It”™s time for a bit of self-reflection. How do you come across as a leader? Are you positively motivated, and are you positively motivating the people around you? Can you inspire confidence?
Think about this. If you”™re not ready to empower yourself to achieve success, how will you impart that to others? On the other hand, if you”™re leading and no one is following, why is the whole group following a different path? What is it about how you”™re coming across?
Can you take it as good as you dish it out? If someone isn”™t listening to you, ask them why. Be prepared to hear some things that might make you uncomfortable. Listen without defense in order to learn.
What in your style of presentation is irritating people or pushing them away. It often comes down to what you say and how you say it. Is it all about getting what you want? What gets in the way of perceiving or responding to what the person across from you needs?
Negative approaches tend to generate negative responses, and vice versa for positive ones. Keep doom and gloom to a minimum ”” it”™s neither inspiring nor motivating. Instead, search for purpose. Put people on a mission.
Give people a visual of how things might turn out. Make sure it”™s one that they”™d actually want to achieve. Make it something worth having, something worth reaching for, from theirs, not your, point of view. To do that, you”™re actually going to have to invest some time figuring out where the other person is coming from.
Remind yourself that it takes a village to build well-rounded solutions. Ask for small changes. Encourage behaviors you want to see continue by saying, “Thank you, I appreciate that.” Talk honestly about problems, but also build people up by showing them how changes they are making lead to a better world. Take time out to celebrate wins ”” more than the time spent moaning over losses ”” a lot more.
Looking for a good book? Try “Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action” by Simon Sinek.
Andi Gray is president of Strategy Leaders Inc., strategyleaders.com, a business-consulting firm that specializes in helping entrepreneurial firms grow. She can be reached by phone at 877-238-3535. Do you have a question for Andi? Send it via email to AskAndi@strategyleaders. Visit AskAndi.com for an entire library of Ask Andi articles.
