Bridgeport-based Optimus Health Care Inc. hosted its 2022 Mental Health Symposium on March 10 with Melissa Bernstein, co-founder of toy manufacturer Melissa & Doug and author of the book “Lifelines: An Inspirational Journey from Profound Darkness to Radiant Light,” as its keynote speaker.
At face value, Westport resident Melissa Bernstein did not seem to be the likely choice to lead discussion on insecurities or giving advice on coping mechanisms ”” besides radiating joy and confidence, she and her husband Melissa and Doug Bernstein have successfully run Melissa & Doug and have raised six children. Yet Bernstein stated that while she is sincerely happy in the present, at a very young age and throughout much of her life she felt deeply unfulfilled and unsatisfied.
“Unfortunately,” Bernstein explained, “I couldn”™t articulate or even express that level of malaise as such a young person, and when I let even a bit of that darkness and despondency leak out, society told me that showing it was very, very wrong.”
According to Bernstein, this signaled a need to conform to societal expectations of a “normal” and “happy” individual ”” pressure that is felt especially as a woman. But before reaching a breaking point, she would find solace when she met her husband and the two started Melissa & Doug. It was through the toy company that she managed to channel her angst through creative endeavors.
Though as she later found out, this proved to be a partial solution.
“I was hiding the essence of who I was and only portraying this light, bright, shiny exterior to the world,” Bernstein recounted, noting how her dark thoughts had been with her all this time but were merely set aside more effectively. Though Bernstein genuinely had enjoyed creating lighthearted children”™s toys and continues to do so, the work only obscured her existential dread.
In time, she continued, the unpleasant thoughts came back. This time around, rather than push away the darkness, she took an open-handed approach and sought to understand how her mind worked. Bernstein studied the words and wisdom of various philosophers and went to therapy, and through these efforts she discovered she had existential depression mixed with overexcitability, a common set of conditions experienced by many in the creative fields.
“For the first time ever, I started to see these qualities I so despised in myself and wanted to expunge as the source of my salvation, the source of my creativity,” Bernstein explained. Now Melissa embraces, in a way, this aspect of herself and does not hide it.
Her efforts now, in addition to running Melissa & Doug, are to spread awareness and let other women know that they are not alone. Through her Lifelines consulting company and her 2021 book “Lifelines,” she seeks to spread her story, methods of self-discovery and paths of healing.
The paths of healing, Bernstein elaborated, first involves a journey to inner space, which can be attained through professional help, such as therapy. Second, one must study spirituality and philosophy.
The last path requires building a daily well-being practice, with Bernstein”™s practice calling for self-care, a sharp awareness of one”™s moment-to-moment experiences and finding contentment through hobbies or other activities that bring one joy.
