Are you getting tired of watching the same Christmas movies every December. If you want to pause on Ebenezer Scrooge and George Bailey, here is a quintet of offbeat and often outrageous holiday flicks that will add warped cheer to your holidays.
“The Lady in the Lake” (1947): A Christmas season murder mystery is at the heart of Robert Montgomery’s adaptation of the Raymond Chandler thriller that finds tough-guy private eye Philip Marlowe (played by Montgomery) investigating a disappearance of a publisher’s wife. This film noir classic is unique in the way Montgomery’s character is presented – nearly the entire film is shown from Marlowe’s point of view, with the other actors looking directly into the camera to deliver their dialogue. The viewer only gets to see Marlowe when he is briefly glimpsed in mirror reflections.
“The Magic Christmas Tree” (1964): This Christmas film begins on Halloween when a mischievous boy gives unexpected assistance to a witch who rewards him with a sapling that grows up in December to become a talking Christmas tree that grants the boy wishes. The kid wishes himself the dictator over his town and gets Santa Claus to become his personal toymaker. But eventually the magic goes awry and the boy winds up as a slave to an ogre in a sleeveless leather vest. Needless to say, everything gets sorted out before the closing credits.
“Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” (1964): The gold standard of crackpot Christmas movies finds the green people of the red planet kidnapping Santa at his North Pole workshop. Once on Mars, Santa begins to make free toys for the unhappy Martian children (including a six-year-old Pia Zadora) and manages to squelch a coup of the planet’s leadership. Notorious for its sloppy special effects, annoying “Hooray for Santy Claus” theme and some of the worst acting of all time, this film is a classic of so-bad-it’s-good cinema.
“Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny” (1972): The rare Florida-based Christmas movie has Santa crashing his sleigh on a beach in the Sunshine State. Local children offer their assistance, along with a gorilla; despite being cited in the title, the Ice Cream Bunny makes a belated appearance as the driver of an antique firetruck. Filmmaker Barry Mahon tried to save money by padding the film with footage from two of his earlier no-budget movies, “Thumbelina” and “Jack and the Beanstalk,” which only adds to the confusion in this deliriously silly flick.
“Bikini Bloodbath Christmas” (2010): The third installment in the horror-comedy “Bikini Bloodbath” series brings back the gourmet-inspired serial killer Chef Death for a new round of mayhem, this time involving a battalion of bikini-clad cuties involved in a holiday season fracas between the owners of a bong shop and a delicatessen. Scream queens Debbie Rochon, Rachael Robbins and Monique Dupree decorate the campy proceedings. (Disclosure: this article’s author is also in the film.)
Photo: “Santa the Ice Cream Bunny,” courtesy of Cinema Crazed.
