Psychologist offers tips for coping with Valentine’s Day challenges  

Valentine’s Day – Friday, Feb. 14 — isn’t all roses and chocolates.

While the day can be about love and connection, for many it is a challenge. (Perhaps that’s why Galentine’s Day – the Feb. 13 celebration of female friendships or really, any friendships – was invented.) Particularly for those who are lonely, navigating the dating scene, coping with relationship problems or grieving the loss of someone special, Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of what they don’t have or have lost, rather than of what remains. Even people who have strong, healthy relationships can experience stress at this time.

“There can be a lot of pressure surrounding Valentine’s Day,” said Eva Leighton, Ph.D., a psychologist with  Psychology Partners Group in Chappaqua and White Plains. “It’s a day with high expectations, and it’s often hard for reality to match up with the messages we’ve received over the years about what the holiday is supposed to be. But there are ways to manage expectations and feelings – and maybe even enjoy the day.”

If your outlook on Valentine’s Day is less than rosy, Leighton offers the following suggestions to make the experience of Valentine’s Day a more enjoyable one:

• Honor your feelings. Recognize that it’s OK to feel sad, lonely or frustrated on Valentine’s Day. Spend some time processing your feelings by journaling, talking to a friend or taking a moment to reflect.
• Limit your exposure to Valentine’s Day messaging. TV shows, movies, commercials and social media can make Valentine’s Day appear much better than it is for many people. While you don’t need to have a complete media blackout, if watching a romantic comedy on Valentine’s Day will make you feel bad about yourself, opt for another activity instead.

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  Embrace a broad definition of love. Instead of focusing on the romantic aspects of Valentine’s Day, think of it as a day to celebrate love in all its forms, including love for your family, friends, colleagues and pets.

• Practice self-care. Use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to show yourself some love. Get yourself a treat or some flowers, do something that makes you feel relaxed, or try an activity that leaves you energized.
• Spread love. Take the day as an opportunity to show love for others. Volunteer, donate to a favorite charity or do something nice for a neighbor.
• Try something new. Whether you’re single or in a long-term relationship, use the day to enjoy a new type of food or activity, or go someplace you’ve never been.
• Practice gratitude. If the time isn’t right to feel gratitude for romance in your life, turn your attention to other things to be grateful for, including accomplishments you feel proud of, challenges overcome, people you can rely on, beautiful places you can visit, activities that bring you pleasure or aspects of your life that make you feel more peaceful and secure.

“If you feel like you have continued difficulties navigating interpersonal relationships, you can seek help,” Leighton said. “A mental health professional can provide individuals and couples with the tools they need to succeed on their own as well as in relationships, well beyond Valentine’s Day.”